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Aoyama believes the country is experiencing "a flight from human intimacy" — and it's partly the government's fault. They don't seem concerned. Her work today, she says, is far more challenging.
In the Japan Family Planning Association's study on sex among young people, there was far more data on men than women. Japan already has one of the world's lowest birth rates. But he does like cooking and cycling, and platonic friendships. Amid the recession and unsteady wages, men like Kishino feel that the pressure on them to be breadwinning economic warriors for a wife and family is unrealistic. Japan's unders won't go forth and multiply out of duty, as postwar generations did.
Satoru Kishino, 31, belongs to a large tribe of men under 40 who are engaging in a kind of passive rebellion against traditional Japanese masculinity. Or else they're opting out altogether and replacing love and sex with other urban pastimes. Prime minister Shinzo Abe recently trumpeted long-overdue plans to increase female economic participation by improving conditions and daycare, but Tomita says things would have to improve "dramatically" to compel her to become a working wife and mother. I don't miss boyfriends or sex. Aoyama believes the country is experiencing "a flight from human intimacy" — and it's partly the government's fault.
The lead character in Otomen "Girly Men" was a tall martial arts champion, the king of tough-guy cool. And that's from a woman who knows a bit about whipping. But he also believes the rest of the world is not far behind. Eric Rechsteiner Ai Aoyama is a sex and relationship counsellor who works out of her narrow three-storey home on a Tokyo back street. You end up being a housewife with no independent income.
Ironically, the salaryman system that produced such segregated marital roles — wives inside the home, husbands at work for 20 hours a day — also created an ideal environment for solo living. Japanese men have become less career-driven, and less solvent, as lifetime job security has waned. She accepts that technology will shape the future, but says society must ensure it doesn't take over. Romantic commitment seems to represent burden and drudgery, from the exorbitant costs of buying property in Japan to the uncertain expectations of a spouse and in-laws. The sign outside her building says "Clinic".
Another study found that a third of people under 30 had never dated at all. These factors include the lack of a religious authority that ordains marriage and family, the country's precarious earthquake-prone ecology that engenders feelings of futility, and the high cost of living and raising children. Of the estimated 13 million unmarried people in Japan who currently live with their parents, around three million are over the age of It doesn't say whether she was invited there specifically for that purpose, but the message to her clients is clear:
Some of Aoyama's clients are among the small minority who have taken social withdrawal to a pathological extreme. But he also believes the rest of the world is not far behind. Whipping up fear in people, she says, doesn't help anyone. Secretly, he loved baking cakes, collecting "pink sparkly things" and knitting clothes for his stuffed animals. Social attitudes don't help.
Kishino says he doesn't mind the label because it's become so commonplace. Across urban Asia, Europe and America, people are marrying later or not at all, birth rates are falling, single-occupant households are on the rise and, in countries where economic recession is worst, young people are living at home.